Whether if it drains you physically and emotionally to the point that you’re getting tired of it, When it comes to friendship, there are certain limits or boundaries that makes it totally easier for us to determine if it’s the sign of being in an unhealthy friendship. How will you be able to determine that you are friends with someone that is already toxic?
"When you can’t be yourself." – If you are anxious because of getting worried of what you will tell them or how you’re going to do things but in fear of making them feel upset.
"Feeling unsafe." – Feeling of getting drained and just trying your best not to go with your appointments whenever they are around.
"One-sided type of friendship." – Planning about going on a trip but all of sudden, they cancel it. Or if you stop reaching out to them but they never really care about you.
"Not comfortable to tell problems" – If it bothers you to tell a story, or even your deepest secrets, in fear of getting judge or worse, making you the topic of their gossip with other people. Or you know things about them but they don’t give any importance to you by not asking about what’s happening to your life.
"Inconsiderate with your time." – It is never worth your time when they cancel the plans the last minute or when they plan on going out knowing that you won’t be able to go with them.
"Disrespects your boundaries." – You should not feel anxious in the first place if they are really your friends. You should not feel any pressure whenever someone boasts his /her achievement which makes you feel insecure.
"Ask-hole." – The kind of toxic friend who asks for advices but never really does it. Or someone who just vents out but when you are the one who needs to confide, they’re all out and busy, not wanting to talk and listen to you.
"Manipulator" – if they are the ones who manipulates you instead of giving you positive advice.
"Nega-tron" – the one who gives you negativity vibes in your life.
"Liars" – When they lie to you about a certain things or situation.
"Makes you feel guilty" – when you started to hang out with different kinds of people which made them upset to the point that they started to insult you, or if they disregard what you feel.
How to deal with it?
First thing first, think about yourself. Think about what you really feel. A healthy friendship is like having your own family. They care about you and how you feel. They make you feel safe and as much as possible, the belongingness. They never let you feel any single thing that makes you upset. Of course it is normal and natural to have a misunderstanding but in terms of things that makes you feel like you’re not belong, then that’s toxic. Liars are also the number one factor in terms of being in a toxic friendship. Better yet confront them, let them know how you feel. So they can reflect on their own actions and you will know if second chances can be given to them. If the friendship can’t be save anymore, then walk away and move on. Travel and love yourself again, rebuild and boost your confidence. Never let the old memories define you because of what they had done; the situations that made you feel upset and unsure of what you really are. Till then, you will meet new set of friends that will make you feel loved, confident to confide and not to let you feel anxious whenever you’re with them. Real friends will show interests and reciprocates your feelings. You will never pretend or change yourself just to show off that you can be with them. Real friends should make you feel comfortable, be able to smile and laugh even on the slightest jokes, and even defend and protect you when you are in trouble. Mostly, real friends are the ones who are trustworthy, being able to give you positive advice and knock your head off whenever you are in trouble, will make time for you when you need them to.
